5 basic questions

Someone posted 5 basic questions in a Transgender Support group on Facebook ... these are the questions and here are my thoughts.

- Who are you?

- What made you decide to transition?

- When did you find out you wanted to live this way?

- Where are you at in your transition?

- Why do you think that is?

- How do you perceive yourself?

Sonya LaRonde ... long time computer tech, recovering

I started trying to transition ~2001, but my employer (IBM) at time was not very open to LGBT issues - at least in my department.  After an injury, it was time to make major life changes ... taking control of what is important to me.  Transitioning being one of those major on-going events.

For years, I looked into options, and often found closed doors.  Even coming out to my family doctor in 2004, it was still another 7 years before he did anything about it - I started forcing the issue.  I have a serious of injuries that might require surgery, and if "anything" happened, I did not want to be remembered has someone/something I was not.  Because of a strict religious upbringing, it was not permitted to conceive that I might be transsexual ... just thinking anything with the word "sex" in it was pretty much a sin.  This cult would fit in very nicely in the extreme right wing today and screwed me up for the rest of my life - including today  *sigh

5 months HRT, 7 months "full time" (disabilities and related financial issues effect this, unfortunately), legal name change, legal "gender marker" submitted (pending/waiting), just had 6 month "review" (next review might be consultation for SRS).

"Why do you think that is?" - why am I who I am?  I have been trying to figure that out myself.  I have done ANYTHING to lose myself, to try and hide from my inner self ... this is the first time I have actually been honest with myself

hmmm first off part of me is "stuck" in the 80's *giggles .... who am I?  MTF Transsexual, artist, pansexual, sexual deviant (BDSM, leather, ... ok this might be a PG-13 post if I keep on this trend), Wiccan/Pagan, Activist, confused, frustrated (especially at decades of self hate and non-action), passionate about music, theatre lover ... I am finally learning how to be me

Reviewing my game plan ... one year later

Something I wrote my birthday, last year (2012) ... took time to review it on Oct. 14th - one year later. 

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It was a lot easier as Sean .. I knew who I was (roles, not really me) and what was expected.  Right now, often, I feel lost.  I know where I want to be, but as each day passes, it seems further away.  Sometimes, more than I should, I toss myself into something (a stupid game, web browsing, reading other people's lives and such) just to hide away from dealing, and that night I feel, rightly so, there's another day wasted.

I have to put foot down, with self mainly, and say THIS IS THE PRIORITY!

I have a tonne of nail polish, yet my nails are "nude."

I have to go through my wardrobe and figure out what fits, what works and what I need.

I need to practice make up so I don't look like a clown

Reduce current meds, clear head - ability to focus.

I have to capture moments like this, so I have my thoughts captured.  I do this blogging,  vlog, essays, photo documentation ... and now that I figured out how - audio dictation.

I have to get my ass off Facebook and use my guides and tools instead of catching up on Arrow or Storage Wars.

I have to put the games away and use them as rewards rather than something to do all day.

I have to eat and take pills, instead of a 90 minute breakfast over 2 CSIs.

I have to get my fat ass to the gym and do something about it ... I am paying for it to use more than 1 to 2 times a month!

I have to stay ahead of appointments and such ...  not scramble at last minute.

I have to plan my days ... having a 1 hour appointment in 24 hours leaves 14 hours to do other stuffs.

When I can't figure something out, I find someone and ask, rather than follow link after link and be topics that have nothing to do with problem at hand.

GET RID OF ALL THE TRASH ON MY DESK - IF YOU CAN'T FIND SOMETHING YOU JUST SET DOWN, SOMETHING IS WRONG!

Catch up and stay current on house work.

I have to look at this when I wake up and not sure what to do in morning while breakfast.

ADD TO THIS AS NECESSARY.

Essentially, seize the day, every day, all day ... do this, not for Sean, do it for Sonya.

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*Of course I wrote this just before I messed up my arm so guess I will have to readjust to match current situation