Here's your life ....

I never realized that hrt aand transitioning can give you a different insite.  Recently I have been meditating,  a form of pain contol, but also to centre myself  after a frustrating event or few hours.  Often, during this relaxed state, I get flooded with images, sequences, events and sometimes mere moments in time.   I can see my past  with different eyes, since I am the observer watching the film unfold.  Sometimes - if lucky - I can see a different ending to this moment, something else I could have done, a different action ...and I get breif glimpses of what might have been.

I know it is much too late to change things, and most I would leave alone.   I am a stong believer in history repeating itself, and I can definitely see some patterns.

Now, if I can just remember what to change, what not to, and to brace myself for the consequences,  I will finally make some real emotional progress.

Huge Dieting mistake ...

Confession time ....

I realized yesterday morn I really messed up *sigh ...‪#‎dietingmistakes‬

I reduced my intake because, well hey I KNEW I was eating too much for my sedentary (at the time) life style. Then I started going to gym, walking and such (months ago). I gave up most of my normal foods, and even meat (became vegan). I wasn't really thinking about what was going in ... just what seemed to "felt comfortable." I recently starting feeling more and more tired ... almost fainting, nauseated, achy, that sort of thing ... generally drained. 

Yesterday I worked out my "caloric intake". I went from about 2500 Cal a day to just over 1000. (I started slowly of course, but since Nov 2012 I went from ~260lbs to about 180 today). NOT HEALTHY.

Any ways time to re-evaluate my diet and choices ... I don't want to give up my activity level, actually I want to ramp it ... but that means fuelling the engine much more than current level.