Quick update ...

Sitting in Neurofeedback at moment and thinking this is a good time to give a quick update since my "catch up" a few days ago .... thanks everyone whole took a peek into my madness.

'Guy-mode' ... *sigh. 

If I knew (realized) that I had to have 4 days growth for an electrolysis session, I would have integrated them into between my iPL treatments (even tho laser place said not to because progress would have been impossible to track.  My electrolysis tech says that she would do 1 hour sessions at a time ... and that I might need 4 to 5 sessions.   Doesn't sound too bad, until you think that it is 5 weekends with a beard that is slowly getting thinner ... but still there.  I have been clean shaven, make-up, frills and proper clothing and even dresses for months now ... so even passing a mirror's reflected image will be frustrating to my progress ...

"Just a means to an end ... just a means to an end ... just a means to an end ..."

I got to keep telling me myself this.  I am not de-transitioning, just another step closer to full goal.  Perhaps find an electrolysis that I could go to later same day?  *giggles with my current morphine levels, pain is not really an issue.

Oh 2 MAJOR developments, lifestyle wise ....

-- weight is down to 184lbs as of yesterday (from a high of 260 less than a year ago ... only about 35 more to go!!)

-- morphine now officially lower.  I was up to 230mg slow release and 25mg breakthrough three times a day (over 690mg a day!).  I just dropped again to 30mg, tree times daily (90mg, no breakthroughs).  Hat in just about a year .... btw withdrawals suck!

Hmm headaches due to my testosterone blockers are under control for the second day.  The pharmacist wasn't overly helpful, because since I am in morphine, I should not feel anything (note - my decline in morphine does not mean I am better or cured ... I am very much in more pain than in a long time ... just bearing with it better than tuning out ... I have goals and a true challenge - to start Sonya with the best life possible during this early transition period).  I am currently taking a tylenol and an ibuprofen and it seems to disrupt the migraine cycle.

Was hoping to restart my YouTube vids ... for some reason vids directly uploaded from tablet just got uploaded ... never truly released or published/advertised.  Not sure if people want to see an older transsexual with a light beard tho ... *lol  I might do today while just very light, rather than on Sunday when I might resemble a relative of "Grizzly Adams".

Well almost done here so going to put this down and act as if I was very much just sitting hear listening to music and paying attention to the moving images on the screen.  NF is about 80% what is auditory and at most 20% is visual ...

talk to you soon .... 

First page ... [a brief intro] (was actually written in March ... dunno why never got published ... *sigh)

Welcome

This is my first Blog ... first * released one anyways * I have tried this before had have trashed them all because – well I didn't think they were worth anything ...

I figured out what to do. I will do this video after/during or after being creative - working with paint, clay or otherwise so I am in the right head space. Here it goes ...

I read and heard intros that are along the lines of “My name is Sonya and I am trans gender. “ It sounds like a first step meeting or or admitting that you have a problem. I admit that there is a problem . . . but a casual meeting discussing my past will not make things all better.

Actually I want to document WHO I am, why I am and my progress.

Who am I?

Back in high school – in 1989 - I lived art (and alcohol) and thought I would never lose that ... never.

Then I went to college, met some one ... and for something I will discuss later – I was forced to stop painting.

It is now 2013, I never really painted again ... 

I guess this is a bit of a New Years Resolution ...

I WILL BE ME

I will do what I need to do - to be me

I will make the changes I need to – to be me

I will go where I need to – to be me

Before the holidays I contacted CAMH – to make sure that I am still on the list (I hate not hearing from someone in like forever – and Suzzane @ Gender Identity Clinic mentioned that the wait is like 14 months ... and since the date of application acceptance was - - I can hear from then around Late February to early March THIS YEAR ... I can't wait.

I know there are under “new rules” but this will be my initial accessment. My family Doctor is very hesitant to start ANYTHING – even when I told him I was starting laser hair removal, he was “are you sure?” It is difficult because I am going in over drive – until I go to the his office, then I hit the brakes and I feel like *sheet

That will change I hope, especially once I get the “heads up” from CAMH (I hope they give him a hint about Hormone Therapy)

Who am I? I am artist, I am a poet, I have strong views on certain topics, and I am a transgendered woman!

I WILL have more videos. More about me, more about my progress.

Thanks for watching ... Subscribe and check back because the best is yet to come!
Link to VLOG version ... careful poor quality ...

Restarting VLog ...

After months of doubt & frustration I have restarted my vlog.  After posting my first moths ago, I have decided that, no matter what I think now, I want something to look back and say "I have changed".  Since I am my worse enemy and critic, I just won't watch them until a bit further down the road.

If you watch, please be gentle. 

(I am writing this on a new tablet - still trying to get used to - so I apologize ahead  of time for embarrassing or offensive /auto-corrects/)

Watch "Restarting my Vlog" on YouTube