CAMH on Friday ...

CAMH (Canada's Gender Identity Clinic)

As mentioned in an earlier post, I have two appointments with CAMH on Friday ... less than 48 hours ... I am feeling kinda - numb, honestly.  I really don't know what to expect.  I tried to get all my stuffs in order, but of course there is stuffs (like name change) that is still pending (checked my credit card and there hasn't been any  payments for it yet), so I guess I go in and say this is who I am ...

scare???

Definitely!

This is my initial visit, and first time talking to medical persons - other than family doctor - about transitioning.  My doctor hasn't been overly helpful - so I am basically doing steps as I come to them, most probably wayyy out of order.

      

Boarding passes - taking train because back is too bad for bus.  I registered as "Sonya", so I hope I don't get much flack from attendants.  I never had to "register" to purchase tickets last time I did a train ride, but hey - that was '89.

Fingers crossed ... wish me luck?  I will grab pics and updates while there, so I hope I have lots to update everyone on in next few days.  I still have to figure out wardrobe and try not to look like a clown with make up.

A point of no return ...

Part of my CAMH letter asked for "any other current "Gender Role Experience documents; such as legal name change; school transcripts; work records or volunteer letters" so here it goes ...

Where I live the Ontario Office of the Registrar General, the government ministry/agency that deals with official records including birth, death, identification marriage, identity and any changes there of.  Therefore, as of 28 March 2013, I am officially petitioning the Registrar General to change my name from Sean to Jacquelyn Sonya.  It might sound silly, but my hands were shaking during the affirmation (being Pagan, I preferred not to swear on the Bible) and during the mailing of the package (all 20 pages).

Since part of the process involves notification and since I was married (been separated since '98), I have to notify my ex - who I don't think had any clue ... so I decided to pre-emptedly come out to her, before she receives the letter.

"<<Ex's Name>>,

Years ago I went through a severe depression (right around the time of the custody hearings) and I started exploring who I really am.  I went through meditation, soul searching and much more.  It literally took years.

I reached out for help, did research, more soul searching and much more.
This is hard to talk about, especially since it doesn't directly effect you - not to be rude.  But it effects me and it does effect my relationship with <<daughter's name>>.  I am asking that you not tell <<daughter's name>>, it is important to me that I AM THE ONE ... plus it is etiquette not to "out" someone.

I know you were not open-minded to various types of people.

At first I was wondering if I was "gay", but this wasn't right.  I started "cross dressing" occasionally, but again not quite right.

On May 24th I am getting my "official" diagnosis as Gender Dysphoria.  It is also known as Gender Identity Disorder.  Essentially one is born into the body of the wrong sex - my mental gender does not match my physical body.  I am working on changing my physical being to reflect my mental image.

I am sending you acknowledgement of my application for name change.  (parts removed for privacy)

Sean ********"

I haven't had any reply, but I can just imagine the language of the reply ... *giggles  It's a good thing that she just gets a notification and that she doesn't have to approve it.  We have spoken since ~2001, and only recently since she is having some problems that effected our daughter.

Any ways, back to the paperwork ... I can't wait till I get the "official" reply, and I just hope I don't get a delay, as I would LOVE to bring this document with my CAMH meeting.  I am taking of the breaks and starting to move into high gear ...